Surreal Worlds by Sean Leonard & John Palisano & Gabino Iglesias & Bruce Boston & Rhys Hughes

Author:Sean Leonard & John Palisano & Gabino Iglesias & Bruce Boston & Rhys Hughes [Leonard, Sean]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Tags: QuarkXPress, ebook, epub
ISBN: 9781942712466
Publisher: JournalStone - Bizarro Pulp Press
Published: 2015-07-06T00:00:00+00:00

ONE DAY I’LL QUIT THIS JOB AND RULE THE WORLD

Max Booth III

Father wakes up at 5:30 A.M. still tasting the whiskey from the previous night. His body is sore—it aches so badly that all he wishes in the world is to be able to close his eyes and go back to sleep. Mother lies next to him in bed. Father considers nudging her awake and asking permission to call in sick. But it is useless, not to mention foolish. Those who call in sick do not keep their jobs. Those who do not keep their jobs eventually start eating those who do have jobs. It is a cruel life.

Father forces himself out of bed and showers. In the shower he masturbates. For a few minutes he is king of the universe, then he ejaculates and reality comes rushing back. Father considers this moment to be a disappointment.

He wishes he was still masturbating.

After he has finished showering, he gets dressed in the usual business suit. As he tightens his tie, he contemplates pulling it harder and harder until his eyeballs pop out of their sockets. How amusing, he thinks. How absolutely hilarious.

Mother already has a cup of coffee ready for Father when he enters the kitchen. He smiles, gives his thanks, and kisses her on the cheek. Mother is not yet made up. She looks quite ugly. Like maybe what Death would look like if Death was a person. Later, when Father leaves, she will touch up and apply her human colors. She’ll be bright and shiny and appear fuckable to strangers from a distance.

Father sits at the table drinking his coffee and eating his toast and browsing over the morning paper. The headline story is about a teenage pop singer being arrested for drunk driving. Another story reports that a major A-list actor made a racist comment during an interview. In the article, the journalist requests for the actor’s death. It is reported that government officials are currently considering it.

Son walks into the kitchen with an annoyed look on his face. Father recognizes the look well. It is a look he himself wears on most days and nights.

Son asks if he has to go to school.

Father says, “Yes.”

“But why?” Son asks.

“So one day you can have a job.”

“But why do I need a job?”

“So one day you can die.”

Son makes a pouting face now. “But why do I have to die?”

“So one day you can live.”

Son sighs in frustration and takes an angry bite of toast.

Daughter enters the kitchen. She can wake up pretty without having to apply any special cosmetic features. It will not last. One day she will wake up just as ugly as Mother, and life will be miserable.

Daughter asks Father if she can borrow some money. He asks for what. Daughter tells Father she is pregnant and she needs to get it taken care of before her belly becomes fat and disgusting. It is her third pregnancy this school year.

Father sighs and pulls out his wallet. The money drains away like the blood from a corpse atop an autopsy table.

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